Mike Colón Media

If this comes off as a rant of sorts I apologize in advance. I was scrolling through Facebook on Sunday afternoon. It was the standard content I’m accustomed to seeing on my timeline. Sports, life updates, the occasional meme, and first responder clips. As I did so, I stumbled across a post from one of my Facebook friends that was unnerving and disturbing to read.

Out of respect for this person and their family, I will leave them anonymous. But it was a retired member of the New York City Police Department who clearly judging by the wording of the post was in deep emotional distress. With immediate concern for this individual’s wellbeing, many of us placed our phone numbers in the replies or messaged this person in hopes of getting them to reconsider the choice they seemed intent on making while also getting them immediate help via a police or EMS response of some sort. I was one of them.

Sending a message and even attempting to call via Facebook messenger, I messaged my number as many others had, urging them to call me. Despite our best efforts, we were all sadly too late. This individual had tragically already committed suicide. The pain they were enduring too much in their mind, that pain they felt was unbearable enough to cloud their vision from the light at the end of the tunnel, ultimately leading them to go through with their fatal choice.

Suicide is an ugly, ugly thing. There’s no closure, and the ripple effect it leaves surviving loved ones to grapple with is a vicious byproduct of such a terrible outcome. It’s rare when someone’s last moments preceding such a final, horrific act play out as publicly as this poor person’s did. We all saw the post, whether we were close to them or not didn’t matter, we all wanted to help. But once again, we were too late. It’s a dark end and I can’t shake the words of that post and the feeling of wishing I’d seen it sooner.

It’s going to stick with each of us who saw it for quite a while. Is this person defined by their final act? Of course not. They accomplished a lot as a public servant and more as a parent and spouse. Still, it’s only human nature to have the eerie and haunting words that made us stop in our tracks and try to help on that Sunday afternoon march to the very forefront of our psyche whenever we’ll hear that person’s name.

It sounds cliche to say, but there is ALWAYS help available and as Suicide Awareness Month comes to a conclusion it’s even more important to emphasize that. A good friend of mine called me after Sunday’s tragedy as we both sought to make sense of this. I take some semblance of comfort in his analysis: “See if you feel the same way in one hour”. Right at that moment where these negative thoughts and emotions feel as if they’ve reached a crescendo, it’s all the more reason to step back and assess those feelings.

Why am I feeling the way I do right now? A natural question we’ve all asked ourselves when we’re feeling down. But just as important to ask is: What can I do to fix it? The idea that the answer is nothing and that one’s situation is hopeless is exactly the type of mental trickery that leads way too many to feel as if suicide is the solution. You’re never a burden, you’re just lost in the moment, but rest assured you will find a way. You’re not useless, the sadness you’re understandably feeling is making you forget just how talented and accomplished you are. Last but certainly not least, you are loved, even if others or your brain on a bad day is trying to convince you otherwise.

These are the things we should always tell ourselves when those bad days and/or moments come. It’s what I wish I could’ve gotten the opportunity to tell that person had my call went through. And even though we couldn’t save our friend on that day, the only silver lining I can think of to emerge out of this is we will all be that much more attentive, that much more alert to anyone in our lives who may be hurting. And maybe then because of that increased awareness, we won’t be too late, we’ll be on time, able to save them, able to convince them to stay.

If anyone ever needs to talk, my number is 917-781-6189. And my DMs are ALWAYS open. Let’s take care of ourselves and more importantly, let’s take care of each other.

Mike Colón is the host of the Mic’d In New Haven Podcast which can be found on all podcast platforms and is simulcast in video form on YouTube